Well...I tried to resolve it before she flew back again but she kept avoiding the topic. Now it all happens again with us in two seperate land. Singapore is an island....And then she suggest we continue with the once condemned pact. She says "to sort ourselves out", but ya know girls never mean what they say, its an age old fact. I guess she meant " keep trying to get over it ". Well ironically, those were quite my exact thoughts last september. I proposed it and went along with the terms with much finese. But those days were indeed terrible because I was acting against what I really felt. Now I am indeed quite reluctant to resume it. But since its her will, I shall do just that.
Not surpirsing, her blog is no longer active because I know of its existence. Even if she writes, its all for show and I guess the contents will not be deeply rooted in her heart, like it was. So what do I do now, the pact my way?If she wants to sort out her feelings, she will have to reach it like she did a couple of months back. That means, things will have to be as per the last time. At least thats how I see it.But, what if I put her through the same shit all over again. Haiz...decisions decisions decisions.I guess thats the way it has to be. Do her will, so long as she is happy. Real amazing thing is how she is contradicting all that she said that night. So who do I believe now? The one who was trying to bring across and idea to me just now, or the one who was almost crying on 27th Dec.Hmm....For the third time, I wonder where the good luck charm is. Hope it does bring good luck. OK the pact is back and I hope she will be just fine. She knows she can end it by simply saying so.
Sheesh..a promise is a promise and I have to abide by it. Getting over her ain't easy man. Spent almost a year trying and when I almost totally believed in my lie, all efforts when down the drain.I feel bad now, because I am adopting an almost nonchalant attitude. That forms part of the reason why I am willing to go along with the pact this time round. I am sorry for being selfish. If 4 years later, feelings remain unchanged then too bad. Again, life is too short to think about everything, somethings are better left ignored.
QiuJuan was saying I am not quite Kelvin anymore. Hmm.. thats actually very true. I think I have changed alot these days due to many things and many people around me. Remember how neither Zen nor Zon were complete but they complement each other. I think I am heading in that direction, for good. And of late, I have totally tarnished to image of this blog. Its meant to carry a deep serious tone to depict Zon's character. But I can't do it cos I am no longer like that. Infact, Zon's book " The days " can be considered closed quite some time ago. I think I should move on with the series and attract a new host of readers. Haha.
posted by zente @ 7:58 AM
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